Wyoo smacking

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Wyoo smacking

Post  aloveofeachcolour on Sun Apr 26, 2009 8:02 pm

What is your opinion on smacking kids? Bad thing? Ok in the right circumstances? Have you smacked your kids in the past and regretted it?

What's your opinion?

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Re: Wyoo smacking

Post  sarabone on Sun Apr 26, 2009 9:41 pm

I really really hope that I never get to a point where i think smacking is ok. We were smacked as a kid and even with the benefit of hindsight and the knowledge that it probably wasn't that hard the memory of it makes me shudder.

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Re: Wyoo smacking

Post  Zog on Mon Apr 27, 2009 12:44 am

I don't agree with smacking. I have never smacked my children. If you smacked an adult you could be done for assault. Surely smacking your child is just as bad. It is worse, in fact, because your child is smaller than you and is completely dependent on you for everything.
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Re: Wyoo smacking

Post  phoenix on Tue Apr 28, 2009 9:11 pm

I've smacked my children. I'm not proud of it, and it may not have been the ideal response, but I've done it and I won't apologise for it... because I will probably do it again. I'd never condemn anyone who smacked their child's hand or bottom.

Beating, or using a belt/slipper/object of choice is not ok though.

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Re: Wyoo smacking

Post  mummyloves3 on Tue Apr 28, 2009 9:18 pm

Wot is wrong with smaking a naugty kid? They do summit wrong and they get punished for it an dont do it again. Win win.

Aint likes you is beatin them or anything!!!!!
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Re: Wyoo smacking

Post  3for3 on Tue Apr 28, 2009 11:15 pm

I also disagree with smacking children but do understand how frustrating raising children can be sometimes. I've had to walk away before now because I felt the urge to tap fingers or similar. But i recognised that I was losing self control in my case and just not knowing how to handle the situation so it was more a 'lashing out' thing i would have got into. I agree that we have such serious penalties for hitting adults but yet say it is justified to hit children?? It just makes no sense to me. If an adult annoys you or doesn't do as you say then you don't hit them...and the argument about not being able to communicate to children in the same way doesn't wash either as you would not hit and adult who spoke a different language...or had special needs and wasn't able to understand...you would find different ways to communicate. I don't have all the answers but i do believe there are alternatives.

I have spoken to people who use smacking as one tool for discipline and only when in control...they use it in cases where the child has put themselves in danger and say that they want them to realise how serious it is. I'm not of the same mindset but i can see their argument.

Alongside smacking i have seen parents disagree with smacking but verbally said appauling things to their children...which in my book is no better if i am honest. Smacking - whether physical or verbal is not a technique i think should be used to bring up children.
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Re: Wyoo smacking

Post  prettypinkflowers on Wed Apr 29, 2009 6:27 pm

I have to agree with pp that some of the things parents say to their children is just as bad as smacking them. My mother still has great pleasure in making my brother and I feel worthless. I has got to the point that I share very little with her as I know I will be told I was wrong, even building the sandpit for Harrison she told me I should have paid someone to do it for me. No well done, nothing positive.
When a child hears nothing but negatives from their parents it is very hard for them to believe in themsleves.
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Re: Wyoo smacking

Post  Moomin76 on Wed Apr 29, 2009 6:43 pm

I was smacked as a child and always thought that I would in turn smack my children. Turns out I was wrong. I once tapped my dd's hand when she was young and I swore there and then that I would never ever do it again. It achieved nothing other than to fill me with horror that I had lost control of the situation. I think it sends an odd mixed message to her - I won't tolerate her hitting and yet I hit her.....

So I am against smacking. I wouldn't dream of telling other parents how to discipline their children though - to each their own.
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Re: Wyoo smacking

Post  mummyloves3 on Thu Apr 30, 2009 12:39 am

ther aint nuthing wrong with smackin yr kids! They shut the feck up and behave.

ain't like usin a belt or summit. that is just sick!!! Neutral
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Re: Wyoo smacking

Post  KoJaq on Thu Apr 30, 2009 2:19 am

I have smaked my older children and although I am not proud of myself, I know I will probably do it again. Now they are older other sanctions work far better...such as taking privileges (sp?) away from them.

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Re: Wyoo smacking

Post  Slinky on Thu Apr 30, 2009 7:59 pm

I don't know. I have smacked G. Felt terrible about it afterwards - actually, not so much. I don't agree that it was the best move I have ever made, but at that time? I could see no other option. I haven't "had" to for months now.. so maybe I scared us both enough with it, that our behaviour towards each other has changed...

For some reason, maybe because he is so small.. I would never smack Lal. I was told by my mother today that I am a "faddy, new age parent whose children will run feral" because I asked her not to smack him. (She already had at this point.. I was sodding furious) At his age, there is no value to smacking him, imo.. he needs to learn the right way, not the wrong way to deal with things.

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Re: Wyoo smacking

Post  BethanyG on Thu Apr 30, 2009 10:45 pm

I havent partaken in many topics on here but I am starting to beleave I am on a forum for child abusers. Smacking is wrong and is usually because the adult has lost control great example that is.

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Re: Wyoo smacking

Post  Mushroom on Thu Apr 30, 2009 11:21 pm

Bethany i dont agree its a forum for child abuses your goin to far. But i do think smacking is abuse and shudnt be aloud..

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Re: Wyoo smacking

Post  EeeGee on Thu Apr 30, 2009 11:41 pm

Bethany, I notice you're only posting on the volatile topics and really trying to get everyone's backs up. Trolling for fun???

Smacking is not child abuse. Beating a child to within an inch of their life, hitting them WITH something with intent to hurt them for no reason rather than a smack to tell them not to do something is child abuse.

I have smacked my daughter. She was doing something she shouldn't be. I tried the usual steps of asking her not to do it, etc etc.... She wouldn't stop. The situation was fast spiralling out of control. I took hold of her and gave her a smack on the leg. I didn't whip her or throw her around the room. I felt pretty bad for doing it afterwards, but at the time it was a means to an end and it got the message across. She hasn't done said thing again.

One thing I don't agree with is tapped hands. Tapping hands is just like playing with my daughter. But that's just MO!
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Re: Wyoo smacking

Post  Anybugger on Fri May 01, 2009 12:02 am

Smacking was never something I gave much thought to when I had children, but having 3 I do feel that sometimes it is necessary.
I have used it recently with Lara for the first time. She would NOT leave the stove door alone, It is very hot and she kept pulling the handle down.
We did talking, telling, stairs, cross mummy and then she had a slap on her hand. She stopped and touch wood hasn't done it again.
It wasn't nice but I would do it again if needed.

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Re: Wyoo smacking

Post  mad_hatter252 on Mon May 04, 2009 10:22 pm

Nope i don't like it. I have done it and i regretted it immensely after as it was the fact that it was me who had lost control and resorted to smacking which in turn i felt my in my sons eyes he had lost respect for me as his mom and the hurt that the one who cares for him has hurt him.
I don't think it works for most children, my son is well behaved and we use the naughty step or naughty spot when were out. I find it also gives you time out from the situation to calm yourself down aswell as your child.

I think each to their own but i do not see what smacking teaches a child?? if your naughty you get a smack- i do not want my child to be scared of me and to see that smacking is ok to do- hence when they think their friends have been naughty they will smack them.
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Re: Wyoo smacking

Post  Cadiva on Thu May 07, 2009 6:59 pm

As James is only 14 months old, he doesn't understand a smack is a "punishment" as such but I do tap his hand - and I mean lightly - and say no when he's doing something which is dangerous to him. A perfect example would be when he tried to roll off the cot top changer.

When he is older, however, if he does something which is willfully defiant rather than just testing the boundaries, he will get a smack. I can count on one hand the number of times I received a smack from either of my parents but the threat that if my brother or myself carried on misbehaving we would receive one was enough to stop us doing it. The threat of my father being told about whatever we were doing was even more of a behavioural check and he actually never smacked us once.

ETA: I also just wanted to make it clear the threat of a smack from either of my parents wasn't because we were frightened of them and both myself and my brother have fantastic relationships with our mum and dad. We didn't want to get a smack because we knew if we did get one that we had upset my mum.

People who abuse their children are going to do it whether smacking is legal or illegal because they are abusers. A light tap to the hand or top of the legs in a spot where you aren't going to actually hurt them is not abuse. Smacking a child on the head, or leaving a mark or bruising them, using a slipper, belt etc is a long long way removed from administering a smack and if a smack is used as a last resort when the child is either in danger or being willfully defiant, then I see no problem with it.

I think parents whose children repeatedly misbehave while they stand there going "Don't do that", ad nauseum while the child continues to do whatever mischief it's up to, are doing their child a disservice in the long run by not giving them boundaries and rules of acceptable behaviour.
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Re: Wyoo smacking

Post  Zog on Thu May 07, 2009 9:19 pm

Cadiva wrote: We didn't want to get a smack because we knew if we did get one that we had upset my mum.

That's a very good point, and that's why I feel I don't need to smack my kids. They know when they've upset me and that is a bigger punishment for them than any smack I might give them because they hate to know they've upset me.

Cadiva wrote:I think parents whose children repeatedly misbehave while they stand there going "Don't do that", ad nauseum while the child continues to do whatever mischief it's up to, are doing their child a disservice in the long run by not giving them boundaries and rules of acceptable behaviour.

I agree, but there are other choices. It's not just a choice between saying "Don't do that" and smacking. There are lots of other ways of giving a child boundaries. My 5-year-old knows very well when he's crossed the line without me smacking him.
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Re: Wyoo smacking

Post  Cadiva on Thu May 07, 2009 9:30 pm

Oh absolutely, I'm not saying smacking is the only way, I just don't think it should be treated as an evil in the same way as actual child abuse is. It would always be the last resort for me and, as I said, it was for my parents as well.

In the three-and-a-half years my goddaughter lived with me, I only smacked her once. It was the first time she misbehaved to such an extent that every other method of discipline had failed and, from that point on, she knew that she had two warnings and if I needed to give her a third one, it would result in a smack on the bottom. She never reached the third warning because she knew what the boundaries were in which she could push it and, lets face it, every child needs to test their boundaries, it's also not a good thing to have a child who is so regimented they sit like a dog does when it's been trained to do so.

Children should be naughty, it's when they are either naughty in a dangerous situation or when they are being willfully defiant to see how far they can push someone, that need to know there is a point which they cannot go beyond.

My own personal opinion, and I'm happy for others to disagree with it, is that the lack of parental discipline at home - in whatever form it takes, be it the naughty step, a smack, or the removal of a favourite toy etc - is why we have children running riot and the so-called "chav" culture. Schools are no longer allowed to discipline children, the authorities (police etc) are no longer allowed to discipline children, and when their parents don't do it either, how else are they going to turn out but to run riot.

Lord of the Flies isn't just a very good novel, it's a fairly accurate portrayal of how society can break down when there's no rules!
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Re: Wyoo smacking

Post  Smartiepants on Thu May 07, 2009 9:49 pm

I don't agree with smacking at all. I don't think it's a very good way of disciplining your child, at the point of smacking you've totally lost your rag and control.
I've been at points with my child when I want to throw her out of the bloody window, but I just take a big breathe, and go and make a cuppa. My hands are shaking and I ring my hubby in tears but I don't smack the poor child.
We all get angry and cross but hitting your child just shows them how far they've pushed you and the controlled calm parent has left the building. It's all downhill from there if you're a regular smacker mainly).

Not for me thanks. My Child is my life, and a little bugger sometimes but her 2 year old paddys, tantrums, throwing things does NOT deserve a smack.
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Re: Wyoo smacking

Post  Cadiva on Thu May 07, 2009 9:57 pm

Smartiepants wrote:I don't agree with smacking at all. I don't think it's a very good way of disciplining your child, at the point of smacking you've totally lost your rag and control.
I've been at points with my child when I want to throw her out of the bloody window, but I just take a big breathe, and go and make a cuppa. My hands are shaking and I ring my hubby in tears but I don't smack the poor child.
We all get angry and cross but hitting your child just shows them how far they've pushed you and the controlled calm parent has left the building. It's all downhill from there if you're a regular smacker mainly).

Not for me thanks. My Child is my life, and a little bugger sometimes but her 2 year old paddys, tantrums, throwing things does NOT deserve a smack.

I have never smacked a child in anger or because of a loss of control. I have smacked my goddaughter once, at that point I was in completely control and she was told it was her third and final warning. In fact, I don't even remember what it was for, and neither does she. I know I never needed to do it again.

Again, the one time I have smacked James involved a single tap on the hand, the use of the word no, and the explanation that rolling on the top cot changing mat was a dangerous thing to do. This was when he reached 12 months and began to have the recognition of what actions and behaviours mean. I would never even begin to try any form of discipline on a child who cannot understand the concept.

Again, however, I wouldn't tell any other parent how to bring up their children with the single exception of if someone else's child was either putting my child in danger or was behaving in a manner I felt was inappropriate to my own child. Even then I wouldn't tell them what to do, I would ask them to please remove their child from my own child's area.
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