AIBU...to hate my birthday and not want one?

View previous topic View next topic Go down

AIBU...to hate my birthday and not want one?

Post  Henri on Sat May 30, 2009 6:28 pm

I'm 21 in a week.

About a week ago, after I thought I had safely got away with having a fuss definitely NOT made, my in-laws started making a fuss. The thing that I asked for it turned out on Wednesday was not possible, so I had to think incredibly fast and find another thing to ask for. M suggested something, I gladly grabbed onto the idea, thinking 'thank god, I don't have to go through thinking about presents again.' Unfortunately this gift meant an early morning jaunt to a mall with my MIL (errrr) this morning. We go. Turns out this idea, too, is impossible. Wonderful. I am asked on the spot to come up with another idea. MIL suggests a handbag. I own at least 20 handbags already. She knows this. I really don't need another handbag. The only thing I can think of is a changing bag for baby. This suggestion is met with frowns, because it is supposed to be MY present, but I manage to talk them round by saying I want a big handbag that I can USE as a changing bag, as most changing bags are too plain for my tastes. I am then made to do a complete super-fast blitz of a small selection of shops in the mall with MIL saying things like 'Oh I really don't like that one' (It's not FOR you, lady) and M being mopey and dragging his feet. This is NOT the way I want to shop for anything, nevermind something as life-savery as a changing bag. I end up being kind of pushed into making a decision after less than 30 minutes of being able to look around. Even then MIL kept suggesting other bags after I'd found the one I liked best, and suggested one bag FIVE TIMES after I had said I didn't like it (it was fricking hideous).

I ended up crying in the car on the way home. I was in pain from walking (waddling) too fast, I was stressed because I felt like I was pushed into making a decision, and I was a little bit nauseated, but that's what a caramel cream frappucino and a slice of cheesecake will do to you if you aren't allowed to sit down and eat them and are instead made to eat/drink them in the car on the way home.

Basically, I hate presents. I HATE being asked what I want, and I HATE being made to name things, because I have this utter....phobia (it really is that strong) of being seen as spoilt or unreasonable. The first gift I asked for was vouchers for Primark so I can buy some cheap holiday clothes and some cheap summer loose clothes for this last stage of pregnancy, because I will NOT justify spending 'real' money on a shopping trip for myself these days. The second gift was having some diamonds I have incorporated into some jewellery, as they're just knocking about not doing anything at the moment. Both these gifts were fine with me, because with vouchers, people can spend what they like, and with the jewellery, M was going to pay for earrings to be made and his parents were going to pay for a ring and it wasn't going to happen if it all came to more than £X, and I was ok with that. I do not need anything, and I do not WANT anything and I have no idea of what is a 'reasonable' amount to have spent on you for a birthday. The only thing in the world not baby-related that would be remotely useful to me right now is driving lessons, and they're too expensive to ask for as a present.
M cannot really see why today upset me so much, and he can't see why I feel how I do about the gift from his parents (that I was rushed into it and that it wasn't really about what I wanted, but more about what she wanted to give me). MIL has been trying to get me to agree to go round to their house on my birthday for about a month and I don't know how to say to her 'I would really rather chew glass', she ambushed us when we dropped her at home and I tried to nicely hint that we actually just wanted to chill by ourselves, but she wasn't really having it.


Is this silly? Am I the only one who would rather just get a card, or some money if people really want to GIVE? Am I the only one who HATES being asked what I 'want'? Am I being a spoilsport? Should I just be grateful that someone wants to give me a gift? Is this just the hormones talking?

Basically, AIBU, or would any of you have felt the same?
avatar
Henri

Posts : 101
Join date : 2009-04-25

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: AIBU...to hate my birthday and not want one?

Post  phoenix on Sat May 30, 2009 11:08 pm

Oh hell, YANBU!!!

I hate asking for things. I hate to be greedy - how do I know what kind of money they are thinking of? I might request a CD when they were thinking of a box of chocs.... Just give me vouchers or - even better - show that you *know* me a little by buying me something you think I'd like. I promise I will love it, or at least I will love the thought! (Hint: books are never, ever wrong).

As for dragging you around the shops and demanding you choose something and putting you under pressure to do so, that's just horrible. I'm sorry you had such a miserable time and hope you have recovered your energy and equilibrium now.

A discreet, but heartfelt, Happy 21st Birthday for next week.

_________________
Have you ever wondered what life would be like if you had had enough oxygen at birth?
avatar
phoenix
Moderator
Moderator

Posts : 239
Join date : 2009-04-28
Location : In my computer chair. Duh.

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: AIBU...to hate my birthday and not want one?

Post  Henri on Sat May 30, 2009 11:25 pm

Isn't it horrible? The money thing, I mean? I just absolutely, absolutely HATE asking for gifts, because like you said, how am I supposed to know what sort of money they were planning on spending? Also, I'm terribly fussy about certain things, so I hate asking for jewellery, chocolate, books, clothes/shoes/bags or stationary, because thats the sort of thing that I really really have to pick out myself. And short of dragging the person buying the gift around the shops with me (which we've discovered is APALLING) or getting vouchers (which you can't always do), I always have to think of something else.

The most annoying thing is I now have a changing bag I don't actually particularly like when I had my eye on a slightly more expensive but much nicer/more practical one. But because I HAD to make a decision RIGHT NOW, I will end up using this one out of guilt.

Birthdays should just be banned. Not everyones, just mine. M agrees with me.

Don't even get me started on cakes.
avatar
Henri

Posts : 101
Join date : 2009-04-25

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: AIBU...to hate my birthday and not want one?

Post  sunset30 on Sat May 30, 2009 11:36 pm

NOT AT ALL UNREASONABLE.

I love gifts, BUT I HATE asking for them, cos I have no idea what is a reasonable thing to ask for, so I tend to generally be happy with getting something, unless it's REALLY badly thought out (like my lovely sister who bought me tea towels for my last birthday - TEA TOWELS FGS - first, I think that's a pretty crap present to give ANYONE, but secondly, I NEVER wash or dry the dishes, I HATE it, and do all the cooking so I can get DP to do ALL the dishes!)

IT's YOUR birthday - you should be allowed to do whatever you want!

Lx
avatar
sunset30
Moderator
Moderator

Posts : 160
Join date : 2009-04-25
Age : 42

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: AIBU...to hate my birthday and not want one?

Post  Jeliwobble on Mon Jun 01, 2009 3:03 am

Yes, I think you're being terribly unreasonable. You should know your MiL is such a dragon you should ask for the most ridiculous, most expensive present you possibly can. Oh, yeah, and say that going over for a birthday shindig would just be your cup of tea and then decide on the day that baby is making you far too ill and take to your bed...

Because that's just as reasonable as they're being with you...

_________________
"Inconceivable!"

"You keep using that word. I don't think it means, what you think it means..."
avatar
Jeliwobble
Moderator
Moderator

Posts : 170
Join date : 2009-04-25
Age : 46
Location : USA

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: AIBU...to hate my birthday and not want one?

Post  Henri on Mon Jun 01, 2009 6:19 pm

hahahaha! In future I may just play the 'lets start at the top with presents and work our way down till she says yes' game. It has to be preferable to being dragged around Bexleyheath Mall.

I've told Mike we're not going to confirm or deny attendance and then we're just not going to turn up. We have told them over and over we want a 'pajama day' and the only thing we're getting up for is to get KFC (my birthday treat dinner!) and the driving lesson he's promised me (yes, my husband is THAT afraid of letting me loose on the car that I paid for that I had to sneakily request a lesson as a birthday present so he couldn't say no!) so why they think that we would want to come over is beyond me. MIL was all 'well you'll want someone to sing happy birthday to you and the cake cutting and everything!' er, no, I don't. I want everyone to quietly acknowledge my birthday with a sedated 'Best wishes' and then not mention it again for the rest of the day. I do NOT WANT SINGING AND CAKE.

I'm feeling much better about the whole thing right now. Again, I needed reassurance that it was ok to be upset about this, so I could be upset and then get over it. I think the prospect of seeing my in-laws four weekends in a row was upsetting me more than anything, in light of the last post I made here. We're going round the weekend after my birthday so I don't see why we can't just do my birthday then. Especially since Mike's aunt and uncle and their little girl is going to be there, so there'll be more people to enjoy it with, and to enjoy the cake that I won't eat (M's family like cake with that thick, stiff icing and still have not quite cottoned on that I hate it). Surely having my birthday THAT weekend makes a whole bunch more sense?

Whatevs. The more I accept that my in-laws are mental and that they will always be temporarily upsetting me somehow or another, the happier I can be.

I need some kind of serenity poem specifically geared towards in-laws!
avatar
Henri

Posts : 101
Join date : 2009-04-25

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: AIBU...to hate my birthday and not want one?

Post  Sponsored content


Sponsored content


Back to top Go down

View previous topic View next topic Back to top

- Similar topics

 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum