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Post  fatcat2 on Fri May 15, 2009 1:13 pm

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married.
The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A set of jump leads walk into a bar.
The bartender says, 'I'll serve you, but don't start anything.'

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and
'A beer please, and one for the road.'

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other:
'Does this taste funny to you ?'

7. 'Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'
'That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.'
'Is it common ?'
'Well, It's Not Unusual.'

8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field.
Daisy says to Dolly, 'I was artificially inseminated this morning.'
'I don't believe you,' says Dolly.
'It's true; no bull!' exclaims Daisy.

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman.
The kids were nothing to look at either.

10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't
find any.

12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident.
He shouted, 'Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs !'
The doctor replied, 'I know you can't - I've cut off your arms !'

13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.

14. What do you call a fish with no eyes ?
A fsh.

15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall.
One turns to the other and says, 'Dam !'

16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were a bit cold, so they lit a fire
in the craft.
It sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it

17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, And were standing
in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.
After about an hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked them
to Disperse.
'But why,' they asked, as they moved off.
'Because,' he said, 'I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open

18. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption.
One of them goes to a family in Egypt , and is named 'Ahmal.'
The other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him 'Juan.'
Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother.
Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she
also had a picture of Ahmal.
Her husband responds, 'They're twins ! If you've seen Juan, you've seen

19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time,
Which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet.
He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd
He suffered from bad breath.
This made him (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) .
A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

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Post  phoenix on Fri May 15, 2009 3:48 pm


Have you ever wondered what life would be like if you had had enough oxygen at birth?

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Post  EeeGee on Sun May 17, 2009 9:40 pm

Tee hee! Love 'em all (except the Tom Jones one. Heard it just toooooo many times!) Laughing Laughing Laughing

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