Home alone 2 year old

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Home alone 2 year old

Post  Mrs Big Boobs on Wed May 06, 2009 5:29 pm

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Re: Home alone 2 year old

Post  Jeliwobble on Wed May 06, 2009 5:36 pm

Ah, the glee with which the DM is reporting on it, says it all to me.

She was wrong. She should have got baby sitting or taken baby with her. However, she went shopping with her mother; what did SHE do? Is she not just as negligent for not inquiring as to where her grand-daughter was?

Why do we insist on penalising rubbish mothers when we do nothing to help them? Her baby was taken away from her immediately (admittedly we don't know if there was any other abuses other than neglect), isn't that wrong in itself? Should we not be supporting her and trying to teach her that leaving your baby home alone is not right?

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Re: Home alone 2 year old

Post  Mrs Big Boobs on Wed May 06, 2009 5:47 pm

Was her mother was in the wrong too?My mum doesn't ask me who is looking after Lucy if I go out.

I don't think that it is wrong that the child was taken away from her. She shouldn't have left it. I have seen people in similar situations like this given help and I am sorry to say most of the time it DOESN'T work. she should know it is wrong to leave 2 year old...she shouldn't need teaching that.

I did cringe when i saw it was DM ... they live for these reports...but so do we!It keeps the board busy .
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Re: Home alone 2 year old

Post  Guest on Wed May 06, 2009 6:16 pm

That is shocking. I know worse happens, but it's still shocking and awful. When I hear of stories like this, I can't help imagining Millie crying for hours, not understanding why Mummy isn't here ... and being so, so scared.

Actually, it makes me feel sick. One of the many reasons I try to avoid such stories.

Yes the child should have been removed. They can give the "mother" (and I do use that term loosely) parenting classes and so on, then allow supervised visits, perhaps with a view to returning the child to her care ... but yes, IMO the child needed to be removed a.s.a.p.
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Re: Home alone 2 year old

Post  Anybugger on Wed May 06, 2009 6:34 pm

Foul, just foul,
It does make you wonder about the mental health of the woman, what on earth possessed her to disappear for 6 hours, gaffer tape her nappy on???
I would suspect that either the grandmother is very stupid or she knew. My mum would ask me about the children if I turned up for the day without them.
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Re: Home alone 2 year old

Post  beadyeye on Wed May 06, 2009 6:49 pm

shocking I wonder if the mother realises the damage she has done to that child. my sons father locked him in the house himself when he was 4 and I am still dealing with the damage 6 years on.
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Re: Home alone 2 year old

Post  Jeliwobble on Wed May 06, 2009 6:50 pm

Someone posted about their own family's experience on 'the other board'. Her cousin lied, basically, that she had baby sitting and it wasn't until she accidentally let it slip that babe was on his own at home that someone went round there. They discovered babe in an awful situation and, although social services did get involved, babe now lives with grandma. This is what I think should have happened here.

I'm not disrespecting any young mums at all but I do think some of our younger mums just get left to their own devices so if they struggle and can't cope, they don't know where to turn or how to get help, forcing them to make bone-headed decisions. That's OUR fault, not theirs. If her neighbours had been more involved, if her mum had been more clued up, if her health visitor had been less over-worked...maybe she might have had more help.

The 'sick' feeling can happen at any time. I remember the time M went wandering off at the zoo (I thought she was with my mum, mum assumed she was with me) and for five minutes every single possible scenario went through my head, finishing up with her little broken body in a grave somewhere... You don't need to be a bad mum for the sick feeling to happen.

I leave G in the house every day on his own. I put him down for his nap at 12:30. I take M to the bottom of the road and wait five minutes for her bus to come. I am about 350 yard from the house, but effectively out of its sight. I know where he is (still sleeps in his cot), I live in a cul de sac so people have to drive past me to get to the house and I think if I lived further down the road I wouldn't do it simply because of the 'I can still run to the house and get in if there's a fire' aspect of it. I don't feel guilty about doing this. It's just one of those things that I do to help me manage my day. Oh, the times I've not managed to get him down for his nap by 12:30 are the days I have to spend 15 minutes calming him down from the screaming ab dabs due to the fact his sister's just left him on a bus...a BUS! BUS!

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Re: Home alone 2 year old

Post  Henri on Wed May 06, 2009 8:27 pm

Jo: But 15 minutes isn't the same as six hours. And she knew exactly what she was doing. For fucks sake, gaffer tape? And even a two year old needs feeding/water more than every six hours.
I like to think that the grandmother had no idea, but even then I'm not sure I agree with kids being handed over to grandparents. And why should the neighbours have been more involved? Who says she even would have wanted their involvement? I know if my neighbours started 'involving' themselves in the way I raised my baby I'd tell them politely and firmly where to stick it.
I completely agree with you that young mothers need all the support they can get. Being about to become one myself, I know full well how little support we get, but the problem isn't the amount of support, its the KIND of support. We are constantly told that because of our age, we 'can't' take care of our children. We can't know what's best for them, we can't make the right choices, we can't be well informed, we can't do a good job. If all you ever hear, no matter what you do, is 'You're doing it WRONG', of course you're going to give up. You simply would not believe the number of people who have put down my future parenting choices based on my age. Cloth diapers, exclusively breastfeeding, (considering) baby led weaning, non standard approach to vaccinations, having baby in our room for 6 months, oral vitamin K....at some time or another someone has turned around and told me that every single one of those things is 'because you're young and you don't know how things really work.' Nevermind the fact that THOUSANDS of other women much older than me choose these things too. No. When THEY do it, it's because they have alternative parenting styles. When I do it, it's because I'm fucking stupid (yes, someone has actually called me 'fucking stupid' because of one of those things.) and why am I so stupid? Because I'm young and ignorant. Obviously.
Wooooh, so, my original point before I veered off there, was that it's all very well and good shouting 'where were the grandparents? where were the neighbours? Where was the HV?' but if those people are all telling you that you're WRONG and DUMB and CAN'T, then what's the point in them being there at all? If all you ever hear is negativity, you tune it out, and you block it out, and then in cases like this, it's the kid that suffers.
People around younger mothers seem to think that the way to 'help' is to take the baby away and do it FOR you. What they need to do is have more time to listen and share the burden, while supporting any decisions mom makes (within reason, of course.)


BOT, I find this case sickening and disturbing. She knew what she was doing and that says really disturbing things about her mental state.
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Re: Home alone 2 year old

Post  Jeliwobble on Wed May 06, 2009 8:37 pm

I 100% agree with everything you say, Henri. I gave up trying to explain my 'alternative' parenting methods to people and I was 27 when I had dd1 (incidentally, I've done everything you consider 'alternative' apart from the BLW and if I ever do this whole thing again, I'm going to give it a shot!).

What I mean, I think, by saying that other people SHOULD be involved is this; we in the UK have really suffered over this last 20 years with the dissolution of community. In times gone past, if there was a young mum who didn't have her own mum or aunts or older sibs locally, the local ladies took her under their wing. Be that the Women's Institute or the Mother's Church group or simply her older female neighbours. I think it's a sad sign of the times when neighbours are considered simply poking their nose into your business if they are genuinely concerned for your welfare and that of your baby. I do understand that nosy neighbours can be seen as disruptive, especially as it isn't the 'done thing' to actually confront people theses days ie it's better to go and report a crying baby to social services than to nip along a couple of doors and find out if the mum needs a hand or invite her over for a coffee and a rant.

If, big IF, her neighbours had taken that kind of interest in her, maybe, just maybe, she might have seen what she was doing was very, very wrong or, even better, gone to those neighbours and asked them to watch her daughter...

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Re: Home alone 2 year old

Post  Henri on Wed May 06, 2009 11:59 pm

I kind of agree with you in a way. I think my whole 'Eff off, neihgbour-people' attitude is purely to do with where I live. I'm an immigrant in a street full of immigrants and this area is not particularly nice. If one of my neighbours (except the downstairs neighbours, who are LOVELY) offered to 'help out', honestly I would just be suspicious. This may be my own issue (having social services, MH services, HV's, GP's and consultants SWOOP down on me as soon as I got pregnant made me wary of ANYONE who offered 'help') but I would suspect them. I've gone a bit feral, to be honest, because I have no family in the country and no friends in the area, I'm incredibly defensive and overprotective of my little family. However, in other area's of the country, even in other area's of the city, I wouldn't be half as suspicious, and would probably accept help more graciously! You're right, it's a sad fact that we are all islands, and we're all moving further and further away from each other.

Maybe I'm just really unfriendly, lol.
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Re: Home alone 2 year old

Post  Smartiepants on Thu May 07, 2009 9:38 pm

I think it's shocking and disgusting and neglect. Without a doubt. I live 3 metres from a shop and WOULD NOT go out leaving my child. How on earth can someone do that! It's outrageous. We have children for a reason, to love and care and BE THERE for them. Not to pop out shopping for 6 hours (or 30 minutes-something could happen in 3 minutes...a fire, a brick threw your window, a fall from their safe highchair etc )

I think she is a disgrace, that poor poor baby. Christ, makes you wonder why we don't have a test to have children, you need checking out before you get an animal from a shelter home. Why not to have children? Multiple choice...would you A)never leave your baby alone b)leave it for a day to go shopping......tick the right box...

Ok ok totally OTT in my response. That is my complete horror at what I've just read.
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